Rock bottom???

I think things just have really gotten to me today. The shock of having cancer and the disappointment of knowing that breastfeeding may not work out well this time is really setting in and I am on the brink of bawling today.

Then I am woken up by the OBGYN office calling to say that my glucose levels were a little high so I have to come in for the 3 hour test on friday. I was worried about not gaining enough weight and having high blood pressure, but now I have to add diabetes to the list.

I cant decide if I never want to be pregnant again because of everything that has gone wrong this time, or if I will consider myself invincible and be able to have many more babies just cause everything is going wrong this time so the rest should be perfect.

Everyone has been saying how strong I am to handle all this at once. I had the surgery without a second thought and I am taking all the meds they want and eating as well as I ever have. I am resting a lot and following all the doctors orders to a T. I dont know what else to do to have a healthy pregnancy. Why does everything have to go crappy for me. I know I should be greatful that its the way it is because so many other women have had it a lot worse and it could get even worse for me, but I just want to make sure one thing is better completely before something else goes wrong. I barely got my stitches out last week and then gestational diabetes rears its ugly head. Its not 100% certain yet, but it just adds to my frustration.

Sorry, I just needed to vent.