One month

I can't believe that Superman Arik is already a month old. He changes so much every day. I think I am going to go crazy while he is gone for 2 weeks. Isnt he just adorable?!

I was just told by a nurse and a nuclear medicine tech that I will have to stop breastfeeding completely. They say they have to give me a very large dose of the iodine and that its risky to keep breastfeeding him afterward. If there is iodine left in my system and my milk then it could kill off his thyroid cells and put him at risk for thyroid cancer. Well isn't he at risk anyway because its supposed to be genetic??
So quitting cold turkey is going to be hard and painful for both of us. I have about 3 weeks worth of milk saved in the freezer for him to use, but he really likes the closeness of nursing. This is so hard for me. I can't get the endocrinologist to budge on how late I do the radiation. I keep asking if there is anyway we can do it later and he always says no. >>>Insert sad face here.

I basically put my own health in jeopardy if I wait, and its risky to keep nursing after the therapy, and cold turkey weaning is really crappy all around.

Well since both kids are napping actually, I am going to go take a mini shower! Yay for showers at 4pm!! 

Haiku of thanks

Dear sweet Genderist,
Informative sweet lady,
My very big thanks.

Ok maybe that Haiku sucks, but I hope my message is clear. I had questions about the RAI treatment and THE GENDERIST was kind enough to give me a special post on her blog to ease my mind and I just want to say thank you, and please stop by my blog anytime.

What day is it?

It seems like if I dont have some sort of doctor appointment, then I forget what day it is and I can't motivate myself to crawl out of bed until I find out that Aidan has gotten into something he shouldn't or the baby needs a diaper change. So thanks to new mommy brain combined with foggy hypothyroid brain, I havent got a chance. If I do manage to get a good day where I have a bit of energy and can carry on a conversation for more than 2 minutes with an actual adult, I usually get interrupted by a child disaster.
I'd rather not go into the details of the disaster, lets just say it involves not being potty trained and stomache aches.
So after that, I end up without any energy. I just sit in my recliner and cuddle with my newborn while yelling at Aidan and wonder what day it is.

On a super crappy note, I lost my powercat necklace. I have had this silver powercat since my senior year of high school and I wear it all the time since. I know I had it on yesterday morning, but I don't remember having to move it for the endocrinologist to feel my throat at my appointment yesterday and then I noticed it missing this morning while changing my spit-up infested shirt. I have been frantically searching the bed and apartment and laundry between yawns and breastfeeding today. I better find it before we move or I will be devastated.

I think we found an apartment we are going to rent too. We will be leaving this upscale, overpriced, snooty apartment complex and moving into a normal little, no frills, cheaper place. I admit, I am spoiled and I like having the finer things in life, but the new apartment means we will have to pay less for rent so we can start paying off bills which puts us closer to buying a house. Not that we will be buying in Illinois though cause I think DH and I have both agreed that we miss KS and would like to move back closer to our families. So the hope is that we get offered a better job in Kansas City so we can move back there eventually. The only downside I see is that I will have to find another endocrinologist and family doctor when we move back there.

We had tried to talk to our current landlords to let us stay an extra week or so, but they are snooty and would make us pay a whole months rent for the extra week, so we HAVE to move at the end of this month. Just 1 day after I get out of quarantine for my radioactive treatment. Such nice sympathetic people we pay to live here, dont you think? Whatever happened to customer service?

So since moving is immediate, DH will be staying home with me so he can pack and finalize the apartment details and signing of leases and so forth. And even though I would have liked spending time with my stepmom, she will be given the important job of caring for my sweet new baby for two weeks. I feel good about this arrangement because the other alternative of DH going back to KS with the boys included him working at the other plant and so a different family member would be watching Arik every day and I just felt really bad about having to inconvenience family. Since my stepmom works from her home computer and she wants to get back to trying to conceive with my dad, it would be ideal for her to keep Arik every day and be in the same state as her husband (for the sex part is easier that way). The thing is that my mom would like to see Arik and as you can imagine, there is awkwardness between mom, dad, and the stepmom. I hope they can all act like adults and not fight over my baby for two weeks. Do I need extra stress?

Well I do think its naptime. Aidan looks a bit sleepy so while I wait for him to pass out Maybe I can get a few chores done and fall asleep to the sound of the dishwasher...

I'm still here

I know it seems like I only blog about my kids, but thats what my life is all about right now. I love being a mommy. I never expected it to be so hard to have 2 kids. I always thought Aidan would be a sweet and wonderful big brother. He is sweet and wonderful, just not all the time. He has his tantrums and never listens to me. I am wrapped up with feeding Arik and Aidan is not getting all my attention now so he feels he has to act out and he disobeys the most when I am most indisposed. If he knows I am feeding Arik or on the phone, then its like his queue to be the worst kid on the planet. He screams or just loudly makes growling noises or yells and gets right up in Arik's face trying to scare him. Repeatedly asking him to stop or giving him time outs are not working. I need supernanny. I have mastered the art of one hand typing while breastfeeding and yelling at other kid all at the same time though.

Its like a miracle if I can get both kids and myself dressed and out of the house on any given day. Not to mention the fact that I have been without my thyroid hormones for a month now. I can hardly hold a conversation with anyone cause my brain is froggy and I just feel stupid when I cant finish a sentence.

I am having my radioactive iodine treatment starting on the 14th. Anthony will take the boys back to KS on the 17th and I will be here with my stepmom taking care of me until the 29th or so. Quarantine does not sound like a fun time. I am nervous and upset because I dont know what exactly is going to happen. Like I have no idea what the capsule is and what the process of the ablation includes. I am upset that I cannot get faster results from the hospital and the doctors. And I am most worried about my kids. I DO NOT want to be away from them for 2 weeks. How are they just gonna take a new baby away from his mommy? He needs me and I have endured the pain of natural childbirth and breastfeeding for the past 4 weeks, just for some endocrinologist to tell me that I have to do the RAI right away and that includes being no where near my baby for 2 weeks. It just hurts. I can only imagine how he will feel. I have saved up a ton of breastmilk for his time away and I am praying I can keep up my milk supply so that he can get more when I am cleared. I know that the RAI has to be done, but I am not ready to do it yet.

Well, off to the doctor office. I promise a post not about kids or thyroids soon.

pic loop

If I actually figured this out, it may be my new favorite way to share photos with you. More pics in less space, I reccommend it. And I promise a real good post by the end of the week. Just have to figure out where I can get some energy. Anyone have a thyroid they dont need? LOL!

my boys

Here is a pic of Arik taken before we left the hospital and below it is Aidan's hospital pic. The blanket they are both on was the blanket I had behind me in my baby photo taken before I left the hospital also. I think you can tell they are brothers. I will try to find a better scan of Aidan's or I'll get a new one and I will look for one of mine too.

 

More from the photo shoot

Dont worry, I wont quit my day job, oh wait, I have no day job. Maybe I should be a photographer. LOL!!! 

Family of Supers

I have decided to nickname all of us as superheroes. Daddy is Batman cause he used to say "I am Batman" when we were in high school. I am WonderWoman cause Batman says only WonderWoman could give birth without pain meds.
Aidan is Spiderman cause he watches the movies all the time and bounces off the walls. He does a great web shooting impression too.
Arik is Superman cause he made it thru my surgery and all my pain meds like the man of steel. Nothing can hurt this kid. He is super. He probably saved my life. I just hope that he doesnt think he can fly. ;)
So here are the amazing Spiderman and Superman in a WonderWoman photo shoot on my bed the other day.



 

The Amazing Superman!

 

Superman is here!!

Well hello everyone! We got home today around 1pm and we just crashed. Hopefully I can remember everything for you all.
Tuesday morning I went in for my NST at 11am and the OB said my blood pressure was too high. It was 144/102. I am normally a 108/86. So she said she wanted to induce TODAY. I asked if I had time to run back home to get my bag and she said she just wanted me to get started on the pitocin ASAP so I needed to get someone else to pick it up for me. So I went straight to the hospital with my sister and Aidan with me. I called DH and told him to leave work and go home and get the bag and a list of other stuff and get to the hospital. We also called our moms and MIL left KS as soon as I left her a message. She had had a bag packed in her car for weeks and was ready to come. She left there at 1215 on her way to IL.
I get in a little labor room and they hook me to the belts and after two attempts they get an IV going in one arm. The pitocin starts to drip at 1230pm. Shortly before that DH arrived at the hospital. My BP is still high thruout everything.They told me that around 5 or 6 the midwife or the OB would be in to break my water. So I laid around and waited for the contractions to start gaining strength. I was contracting good between 1 and 4pm. The contractions were every 2 minutes and I was still pretty comfortable. The IV fluid was going right thru me and I was up to pee every half hour and I thought my water was going to break on its own a few times. Between 4 and 5pm the contractions were really strong so I told them to call the epidural lady on up. They said I had to be at 4cm to get an epi and they would check when they break the water.The midwife comes in to talk to me at 5pm. She got me a shot of something in my IV to relax me and then she broke my water at 515pm. She checked me and I was only 4cm when she broke the water so the epidural lady can come in. Yay! The MW also attaches an internal contraction monitor and fetal heartrate monitor. I have cords taped to the inside of my legs now instead of around my belly.
Up to par with my last delivery, the pain gets stronger after my water breaks. So I am saying OW thru every contraction and trying to talk to the epi lady. A nurse checks me and thinks I am at 8cm so the epi lady cant give the nice epidural and instead I get some spinal shot that didnt do a bit of relief. Might as well have not had anything there.
Then my friend Carol gets there. Carol is a nurse/lactation consultant at the OB office who I started scrapbooking with and she agreed to be my adopted mom until my mom or MIL got into town. She arrived right before 6pm. I am laying on my left side and trying to breathe thru contractions and she is figuring out how to work my camera so she can take pics til MIL shows up.
Well I feel the need to push all of a sudden and the MW looks at me and says that if I feel it then do it. So I am being told to slow down my breath and blow out a candle and just keep breathing. I am laying on my left side and DH is kinda behind me holding up my right leg. I push and kinda yell at the same time and the MW tells me, "no noise, just push hun." She says it a few times and I get a little annoyed but try to comply.Well I push and push and scream and tear and then at 612pm, out pops Arik! I tore on top, a labial tear. I had watched a few pushes in a mirror and on the last one I pushed until I just let out a huge scream.
So I get Arik laid on top of me and rubbed down while DH cuts the cord and they start stitching me up and delivering the placenta. Arik then decides to pee on me so my gown gets ripped to the side and I am given what they call the mandatory Sacred Hour. As long as baby keeps good color and breathing then I get skin to skin contact for at least an hour after delivery, uninterrupted. Well we get a little over 2 hours which was fine with me. I loved it!MIL arrived at 630pm and was so disappointed that she just barely missed it. :(So Carol grabs my boob and Arik's head and helps us latch on real quick. He took to suckling so well. I was just so thrilled at how good he was so fast. Then Aidan and my sister come in the room and get to see Arik. I am kinda oblivious to what else is going on in the room cause I am still in a lot of pain and I have the baby right on top of me so I dont know what all anyone is doing. After 2+ hours of skin to skin I finally realize that I dont know how much he weighed and stuff and my sister who has been on the phone is giving me impatient looks cause she has NO information to tell anyone except that I did it without pain meds and what time he got here. LOL
So they bring in the scale and weigh and measure him and wipe him off and put a diaper on him and everyone else gets to hold him for a few minutes until I get him back to nurse again. They took the IV out of my arm and moved me to a private room then. So the rest of the night I just work on nursing and pain control and my blood pressure is still high.
It feels like every muscle around my lower back and butt has been stretched and pulled and bruised and I feel like my pelvis and tailbone are broken in a million pieces. They give me some perkoset and motrin. Still a far cry from an epidural. They started me on BP meds Wednesday night and today my BP is down to 130/98 so they said I could choose whether I stay in the hospital another night or go home on bedrest, so guess which I chose?
I dont get as good of pain meds since I came home, but I did get better sleep in my own bed this afternoon. I hadnt slept while in the hospital Tuesday night and barely got an hour nap all day Wednesday between all the visitors and baby stuff. My mom got there late Tuesday night (430am) with one of my sisters and hung out for a while. My dad and stepmom and stepgrandma and stepcousin visited Wednesday afternoon and they all headed back for KS before I even left the hospital. MIL headed back this afternoon after we got home.
What else? My sister Hannah is staying 2 more weeks to help out. I am on bedrest because of my BP for at least a week. Its quite thunderstormy here too. But other than that, we are glad to be home with our new bundle of sweetness. He is such a great baby. He has barely cried his big brother just loves him up. He is nursing so well. He looks like his daddy and he has the same chin as his big brother.
Arik Daniel
Born 7/11/06 at 6:12pm
Wt 6lbs 11oz and 18" long

Here's a link to some pics I have uploaded so far.
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v13/soccermom/Arik/

I have THE cutest kid!

I don't care what you say. He is the cutest. And he is gonna be the best big brother.
His aunt Hannah is here with us for the month until the baby comes and she gave him a mohawk in the bathtub the other night. I just love his little expressions and his grown up grin. You can tell he is used to having his picture taken by his psycho-scrapbooking mommy....so when a camera is around, he knows how to hamm it up! 

Maybe Good news

At the sonogram today we found out that Arik weighs around 6lbs and is measuring smaller than he should be for a 38 weeker. He is about 2 weeks behind. I have no doubt that when he comes out and gets some good milk that he will catch up in no time.
So also with me being on the small side, the OB doesnt want Arik to get much bigger so if I dont go into labor on my own before next Thursday or Friday then we will be induced one of those two days. The OB isnt worried about the baby's health. He said the heartbeat and lungs and everything look good and he should be fine if he came now.
Yay!! I will definitely have a new baby to hold by next weekend.
We are going to try our own labor inducing techniques cause we want to have him on Sunday, but no sweat if it doesnt work. At least we will get to see him soon and I will be able to be more comfortable.

Relaxin by the pool

I think this was taken around 36 weeks.  

Oh yeah, I have a blog!

Sorry its been a few days since I've been around. I have only a few readers and I'd like to keep them entertained enough to come back and read me so I guess I have to actually give them something to read.

I've been thru false labor now, which makes me totally feel sympathy for anyone who ever felt they were in labor and then were sent home without giving birth. Monday morning I woke up at 3am with contractions that took my breath away and were coming every 10 minutes. So after about 3 hours of that, I called the OB floor and they said to come in so they could check me. So I woke up everyone and we went in to the hospital a little before 8am. I finally got hooked up to the monitor and my cervix checked and found out I was still at 3cm. I had been checked at my last 2 NST appointments and was at 3cm then too and was 50% effaced. So they kept me on the monitor until 11am and checked me again and since my contractions were not making my cervix open anymore, they sent me home. So I have another appointment tomorrow and my contractions have pretty much gone down. I have maybe one an hour so I guess I am still pregnant until baby decides to come out.

I have decided that I don't play the pregnancy card enough. We went to watch the fireworks last night and parked really far from the stadium and then when we were leaving, these girls just kinda pushed in front of me like it didn't matter that I was pregnant. I dont know about the rest of society, but when I see a pregnant lady, I let her park closer or go before me in line or sit down first or hold the door for her. Whatever makes things easier for her. But I dont think I have received the same treatment from anyone except the people at the doctor's office and my family. I really wanted to get all hormonal on the girls at the stadium last night. One almost stepped right on my foot and I got ran into by the guy behind me because I had to halt in order to not get hit by the rude girls. They didnt say excuse me or anything. I just really hate people like that. I wanted to be like, Hey watch out, I'm really pregnant here and you need to get out of my way!

I heard once that a woman pled not guilty to murdering a guy and won because she was hormonal at the time. I dont know if that meant she was pregnant or just mensturating, but I use that line as much as possible when people tick me off while I'm pregnant.

I dont think that there is anyone who would win an argument with me over why a pregnant woman deserves special/polite treatment. When else in life do you get the chance to have your nearest and dearest dance to your tune and attend to your every need? Why would a pregnant woman deserve this above average treatment? Well let's just think about the agonies of pregnancy for a moment…

Starting at the bottom, we begin with the toes. Tending to toenails becomes one of life's greatest challenges in late pregnancy. When trying to maneuver yourself into a position that allows you to comfortably paint your toenails, you will produce some interesting, primal grunts and you may even pull a muscle. You might ask your loving partner's help to get your tootsies looking good - but remember, he's probably more used to painting the kitchen walls with an eight-inch paintbrush, so the chances of him doing the job to your satisfaction are not good. Do the sensible thing - book a pedicure or bribe your best girlfriend...Although you shouldnt have to...

We now move on to the ankles. Or perhaps I should say the cankles (calves merged with ankles). They arent a pretty site. On the off chance that I catch a glimpse of them around my huge belly, I usually get depressed that they arent there and then more depressed at my swollen sausagelike toes.

Onwards and upwards and apologies in advance for the next topic of discussion - it's the bikini line. As with the ankles, you won't actually see your bikini line for a good four or so months. Do you see where I'm going with this, girls? If you can't see it, then how are you going to keep it tidy? You may be the type of girl who is happy to let her lady-garden run free, or you may feel that you want to tame the area in preparation for the world and his dog (that's what it feels like at the time) to have a look. After the birth and subsequent stitches of child number one, I was so used to people checking my bits that I would automatically 'assume the position' for anyone who looked even remotely medically trained - You dont want it to look like a bat could fly out of the bushes. So the question remains - how best to keep things trim? Shaving is a VERY risky option, as it can only be achieved with the use of a skilled, steady hand and a mirror. While you will probably A) give yourself a minor flesh wound, B) give your midwife a good laugh and C) earn points for Creative Design in the Pubic Area, it's unlikely you'll do a top job. Your partner could help you - but are you really going to let him loose down there with a razor? If you have unlimited money, the best way to go is waxing - 'Aaarrggh, too painful,' I hear you scream. Sister, you're gonna have a baby. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it's too late to worry about the pain, so you might as well break yourself in easily and get waxed. I havent found a hair remover cream that cuts thru the thickness of even the edge of the mess, so I dont even want to tell you about my own personal choice.

Shaving your legs is also quite the workout. So I found that a big bottle of hair remover is the easiest option. Its much easier to slather on some lotion than to slather on shave gel and then guide a sharp razor on every surface of your legs. Its difficult to reach your calves and bending and stretching produces those grunting sounds again. So unless you want to look like a guy, or you can afford the waxing, Nair for short shorts!

One of the most alarming things I've noticed is that I'm becoming almost indistinguishable from my 79-year-old granny. It's scary - we both wear clothes with elasticated waists (admittedly, not from the same shop), we can't get out of cars without the help of a tow truck and we both have a very snazzy waddle in place of graceful walking (mine is blamed on my expanding girth and hips, while Granny's waddle is due to arthritis).

Unfortunately, I haven't developed her ability to bake, but we can spend leisurely afternoons comparing ankle size and berating those who refuse to give up seats on buses for us.

So while pregnant women are busy creating the miracle of life, they also have all these unspoken issues to contend with. I tell you, it ain't easy - in fact, I think it's time to rub my bump tenderly with a pained expression on my face and wait for my family to bring me some tea…

Any Day Now

Well, I had another appointment today and sis R got to see a sonogram. We saw everything but his face since he is facing my back and he's pretty far down apparantly. The OB figured that Arik weighs about 5 lbs 5 oz right now. He measures about 11 days behind where a typical 36 weeker would. I was really hoping to hear something around 7lbs today so I could beg for the pitocin. My weight was 140 which is +12lbs from pre pregnancy. I am dialated to 1.5 cm and baby's head is way down but my cervix is way posterior which pretty much just means that its really hard for them to check dialation since its hard to reach. Not fun for me if you can imagine.

So since I am dialating we are just mainly waiting for contractions to start and then we will head to labor and delivery. It may not be for a few days, I dont know if I really feel like today is the day. Someone send me good contraction vibes though cause I want my baby out now. :)

Sweet Summer

Well my sister R, has been staying with us for over a week now. I think she is supremely bored. We have a pool here at the apartment and we let her go there whenever she wants. But R has a tan that is super dark already when she got up here. Do I think she needs more sun? No way! The girl is dark. Sun loves her. Since there is nothing much else my super pregnant butt can do with her, I guess she just gets to go to the pool and play with Aidan most of the time.

I went to the OB today, like usual (I am there twice a week for NSTs) and the midwife was checking the heart monitor...She was on the phone and looked at the paper, then stepped out of the room and I heard her say something about scheduling an induction. I didnt know if she was talking about me or not, but I was really hoping. She mentioned to me the next time she came in that I was having contractions and asked me if I felt them...well duh! They were just the Braxton Hicks, but they are still uncomfortable and annoying, not really painful. The monitor has little numbers that gage how strong the cntx is and we think the highest it got was around 30 out of 100 I think. I saw on the monitor that Arik was really active as soon as I got on there, but then he went to sleep. So the MW buzzed me twice to wake him up and he moved a little but pretty much just kept sleeping. Then she took me off the monitor and to an exam room to be checked. I am dialated to one whole cm, which is definitely not much. She said that if I do go into labor now that they wont try to stop me so that is cool. I can totally be happy with going anytime now.

I have an appointment for a sonogram and another NST appointment for Tuesday so maybe we'll be closer to delivery then. We'll see!! Looks like this weekend I will be nesting and making sure the crib gets put up and stuff is more ready.

Here is a fabulous shot of me in my swim suit last Friday. Looking large! The nurses at the OB tell me I dont look 35 weeks pregnant. And I am totally getting rid of that bikini after this too cause its just not me. I thought it would cover a little of my belly, but its more like a tablecloth as my wonderful husband put it.

Well now I need to figure out what we are going to do for fun tonight cause we tried the water park and it was annoying and the pool here is closed today cause they cant figure out the acid balance, so we need to find something to keep the kids entertained.

Alone is over shortly

Another NST today. It went well. Arik was awake enough today. I did get fortunate enough to talk to one of the nurses I like and it turns out that she is a scrapbooker. So she invited me to a party she is having soon. I am so glad to get opportunities to make friends. The nurse is old enough that her husband is retired, but I think she rocks and I just love scrapbooking friends no matter what age they are. I never find any my age anyway.

Anthony's brother and best friend are on their way here from Kansas and should be here within a few hours. Then my mom and sisters are coming late tonight to arrive here early tomorrow morning. They are bringing Aidan back with them. I am glad Aidan will be back cause I miss him all the time he is gone, but I was glad for the little break. I acutally went into the post office alone today and it was nice.
Anthony and I also had a nice fun evening last night. Can't tell you the details, but it was good! We aren't going to get many nights alone for some time, so if one comes along, you gotta do what you gotta do! :)

Next friday is Anthony's birthday and I still have to figure out what to get him.
Wow, I just have a super boring life today. Everyone will be here shortly so I guess I am off to do some minor cleaning and maybe a short nap if I am lucky. I can't believe how full the apartment will be in just a few hours. Its quite a change from the usualness of just the 3 of us. We are glad for the company though since we have no friends up here in IL yet.

Have to share this

I took this picture yesterday when we were at the pool and I think its my new favorite pic. I just love my guys!!

The Next Step

Well a ton of people have told me that they think my scrapbooking rocks and that I should try to get it published or try to get on a Design Team. So today I am going searching for my next step in my creative outlet. I have been dreaming of getting published or making a living off of my favorite hobby since I started putting pictures on paper. So everyone keep your fingers crossed for me that I will find a place that will think I have potential and add me to their team or magazine pages! I have thought about applying and trying to get published somewhere for a while, but never really found anyplace yet that I felt I could be comfortable. My pessimistic outlook is now on the back burner and I am holding my head high and confident that I can make it out there now. LOL.

Also in the next step in our family life, I have sorted thru all of Aidan's old baby clothes and blankets and I have started washing everything. The crib and carseat are being brought up here from Kansas this weekend too. Anthony's best friend and little brother are coming to hang with us for the weekend. Its going to be a full house here in a few days.

And last but not least, my sisters and my mom will be here this weekend and my youngest sister Richelle will be staying for about 3 weeks. She is going to help out a lot with Aidan while I finish growing his little brother. Then Hannah gets to come stay with me in July and she will be here to drive us to the hospital if I go into labor while Anthony is at work and she can drive me to doctor appointments when I can't fit behind the wheel anymore. I am so lucky to have great sisters that want to spend time with me and their nephew. If they didnt want to be here and help out, I just dont know what I would do without them.

Aidan is back in Kansas for the week and he will come back with his YaYa and his aunts on Saturday so I have the week off and I am completely bored. It was great to go to the NST today and not have to scold him to sit still while we listen to baby brothers heart, but now that I am home, I have no one to play with or entertain.

But I think I will start relaxing soon, and preparing myself for the full house that I will have this weekend. I better find somewhere for everyone to sleep and get all the blankets out and the house cleaned. And sure I will be able to relax somewhere in between doing all that.

And here is a little glimpse of the wonderful proof that summer is here! YAY! I love summer!!

I hate you too Monday

Apparantly Mondays hate me. I have been nauseaus the past 2 Mondays plus today. Its like my body doesnt want to get up and face the new week. I got sick this morning after taking my thyroid pill so I am dragging all day since I dont think it all stayed down.

The 3rd trimester pains of heartburn and acid reflux are really killing me now too. How insane is it to be awakened at 6 am every morning to a burning sensation in your throat and general uncomfortableness? I didnt get up in the middle of the night and eat anything to be causing heartburn at 6am. I got up and peed, but I'm sure there was no eating or drinking involved there. I may have taken a swig of water that I keep next to the bed to take my meds with in the morning, but is water supposed to cause heartburn?

Had another NST today and passed. I thought it was funny that he got hiccups while we were monitoring, but the other woman doing her NST didnt look amused. The OB gave me a script for heartburn meds and said see you in a few days. I already hate the 2 a week NSTs.
Pointless visit to the ENT #7 was completed today also. I sware I just show up to look pretty and give them an excuse to bill the insurance. I went in, she said my incision looked good and then she felt my neck and we were done. At least I dont have to go back till August now. I bet thats just an excuse to see the new baby too.

I sware with one thing after another popping up, we are never going to have the credit to buy a house or even trade in our cars when they get bad enough. I wish our bank account would just magically fill up. No more stress and no more bad health. That should be a daily equation. -stress * -bad health = +$$ Does that work?

5 things

Since I am not in the loop enough to get tagged or even know if I am getting tagged, I am tagging myself and doing the 5 things for myself.

For your entertainement:
5 Things in my FRIDGE:
* Cheesecake Snack Packs
* Baby Carrots
* Strawberry Milk syrup
* Bottled Water
* Ensure

5 Things in my CLOSET:
* Wedding dress
* Winter clothes
* Wedding decorations
* Tub of shoes
* Tub of pack rat stuff

5 Things in my PURSE:
* 8 different lipglosses
* Pregnancy calender
* Antibacterial hand gel
* Latest ultrasound pics
* Bottle of nailpolish

5 Things in my CAR:
* Cell phone charger
* Bottled Water
* Maps of the towns here
* Trash
* Babywipes

5 Things on my TIVO:
* Law and Order: SVU
* Ellen DeGeneres
* Season Finale of ER
* Series Finale of Will and Grace
* Series Finale of That 70s Show

Stress Test

I went for my first Non Stress Test yesterday. I was hooked up to those nice belts for about an hour and listened to Arik's heartbeat. The doctor seemed satisfied with the heartrate of moving and not moving. HE even used a buzzer to try to wake Arik up, but I think it just freaked him out and he moved away from the heart monitor and didnt move for a while.

I am a little upset that I have to go twice a week. The insurance company definitely hates me now. I have a feeling that since they consider me "high risk" that they are going to get frustrated with me and induce me early. That may not be such a bad thing cause I think I want to get this pregnancy over with as soon as its safe. I am hoping that I can pick my due date then. It would be great to know when I will get to see my baby.

I also saw the endocrinologist again yesterday. Those appointments seem so pointless and expensive to me. He did give me two months worth of my thyroid meds. We'll see what they say when they get my blood reports back.

I also made a collage last night. We have had this 18x24 frame for months now and I finally felt creative enough to put something in it. Plus I got free big prints of my wedding pics from Snapfish. They didnt turn out as bad as I expected since I had only a small file uploaded. But here is the finished product.

Hump Day/My TV addiction

Yeah, right.
Sunday night I got absolutely no sleep, and then I got sick Monday afternoon for no known reason other than probable bad BBQ Beef. Being 31 weeks pregnant I refuse to blame morning sickness cause that ended months ago right?

So while I was lying awake I was thinking of topics to blog about. How lame is that? Mainly I was mentally whining about the ending of some great TV shows. Yes, I am a TV-aholic.
I was upset by the fact that Chris Daughtry got voted off of American Idol. I loved him and he should have won. I think he will still make great music and we havent heard the last of him. So now my second choice, Kat, better win.


Other shows I like are ending for good this season too. That 70's Show is one good one. I really like those kids and after tomorrow it will be reruns only for the next 10 years. I just dont get why Topher left the show and wont even come back for the finale.
Malcom in the Middle is gone too. I was not much of a follower of this show, but I did like the mom.

I am a big fan of the gays and I love Will and Grace. I am going to miss Will and Jack. I don't know what exactly I am hoping for on the finale of this one. I know Grace looks way hotter pregnant than I do! LOL! I dont know if I liked Leo enough to want them back together. I always hoped that Will would turn straight and be with Grace, but he is better being gay and still with Grace.

Complete sadness for the loss of the Charmed ones. I dont know how this will work out. The preview said Piper is going to go back in time to try to save Phoebe and Paige and since Leo is back she may have a chance. I dont know sometimes why the people in the TV cant hear me when I am telling them what to do. That chick that brought Leo back should have healed Phoebe and Paige right there. But why would Leo get to come back if Billie is still alive? Again with the yelling. Well I just want them all to get what they want and keep the balance and poor stupid Billie needs to get her butt really kicked. I really want Phoebe to get Coop too. He is such a hottie, she gets all the hot men. >>>>>>>> YUM.

Gray's Anatomy was crap. I am not obsessive about the MerDer drama, but the way McDreamy and Finn were calling her name at the end and she just looked at them and didnt do anything was crap. And if they really killed off Denny and Izzy is really quitting then I probly wont watch the whole next season. But I do think that Izzy should get all the same awards that Sandra Oh got for her acting this season.

I will look forward to the return of Earl and Scrubs and ER. I hope ER never goes away. It is my favorite. And Nip/Tuck will be back in September. I hate all the rumors about that show. I never know what to believe, but I will watch it anyway and hope it stays on. I like Law and Order SVU but if Olivia/Mariska is gone it may get boring for me. I will watch Medium again if it comes back, and The Closer. I loved Joey and Related and they both are gone with no warning. There better be some fantastic shows starting that will be as great as those we have lost. No one will ever replace the Charmed ones or Will, but the networks better try!

Well now I look like a total lazy ass TV addict, but I do Tivo a lot and watch when I am not busy with my son. So time to go watch reruns of Friends er, make supper. :P

Happy Birthday to me

I think I am going back to being 22 today. Not that I am that much older, but I think 22 was good so I wanna do it again.

I went and celebrated National Scrapbook Day on Saturday. Tons of fun. I met lots of nice ladies and won some cool door prizes. I got the Basic Grey Notch and Die tool and I am learning how to do stuff with it. I took a class and made a tag and a card, then stayed for the crop, but I ended up leaving early cause I got tired and my back was killing me from those chairs.

To celebrate being 22 again, I think we are going to go eat at Famous Dave's tonight and maybe go see a movie if there is one that Aidan will watch. Sorry I dont have much interesting to say today, maybe later!

Cinco De Mayo

Today started pretty early for me. I was up and at the doctor office at 830am. Got my 3 hour Glucose test done. That sucked, let me tell you. Getting poked in the arm every hour for 3 hours, resulting in 4 holes in my arms. I look like a junkie. My first glucose test I failed by only 9 points, so this one better be a passing score cause I am not a fan of diabetic diets. I need my sugar.

Looking forward to my scrapbook day tomorrow. I have to find some cute PJs to wear to the PJ party crop. I am not finding anything in my closet that is publicly wearable and that kinda covers my scar. I'm still not comfortable sharing my neck with the public. And no one so far has been able to talk me into wearing a scarf/bandanna/anything really around my neck. Today was the first day I even put on a necklace since the surgery. If you have known me in the last 6-7 years, I am usually always wearing my K-state powercat necklace and I havent worn it in a month now and that is not normal.

I am kinda skeptical on how I will feel being in a scrapbook store for 12 hours straight tomorrow. Hopefully I can keep my energy level up somehow. Dang, you never know how much you'd miss your thyroid until its gone. Some days I just feel sooo very lazy. Getting off the couch to pee feels like a marathon. By 9pm I am just exhausted and want to go to bed.

I had my mexican meal today for lunch at the local restaurant. No pitcher of margaritas this year though. I also dont get a pitcher of margaritas for my birthday on tuesday either. Ah the things you miss while you are pregnant. I did celebrate by having a Dr Pepper today though. I thought I earned that by giving so much blood away today, plus, its a special occasion.

I must have been mexican in my past life, that might explain my love of mexican food and margaritas.

Sharing

Here is my belly pic for May. Lookin large.

Here is my little funny man showing his belly too. He was really pushing it out there.

And here is a layout that I just did this week. I love the Basic Grey papers.

MAY

I love May. I think that this is my favorite month of the year. If it werent for all the doctor's appointments ruining it this year I would be in a great mood. National Scrapbook Day, my birthday, and Mother's Day all in the first two weeks.

I am going to a class and a crop on Saturday for Scrapbook Day. I hope I can find some way to make my incision look not so ugly for the day so I can be comfortable in public. Too bad its not turtleneck weather.
AHHHHAH!! Isnt it ugly?

I have been thinking a lot about the baby lately. We really have nothing ready for this baby yet. We barely figured out if we want to spell his name Aric or Arik. Either way, he will probably have nothing but diapers to wear the rest of the summer.

I have done the registry thing and I know what all we need, but its just too much for me to get out to shop. I totally have no energy for that. We just need to start getting what we can everytime we go to get groceries at WalMart, which I try to avoid for the same reason. I wish we had the money to just order it all online.

Check out the pretty flowers everyone sent while I was in the hospital and recovering. They are so pretty and smell so good. I havent sneezed as much because of them as I thought I would either.

Thank you everyone for the flowers and the supporitve thoughts! I am feeling better and I appreciate all your prayers.

Rock bottom???

I think things just have really gotten to me today. The shock of having cancer and the disappointment of knowing that breastfeeding may not work out well this time is really setting in and I am on the brink of bawling today.

Then I am woken up by the OBGYN office calling to say that my glucose levels were a little high so I have to come in for the 3 hour test on friday. I was worried about not gaining enough weight and having high blood pressure, but now I have to add diabetes to the list.

I cant decide if I never want to be pregnant again because of everything that has gone wrong this time, or if I will consider myself invincible and be able to have many more babies just cause everything is going wrong this time so the rest should be perfect.

Everyone has been saying how strong I am to handle all this at once. I had the surgery without a second thought and I am taking all the meds they want and eating as well as I ever have. I am resting a lot and following all the doctors orders to a T. I dont know what else to do to have a healthy pregnancy. Why does everything have to go crappy for me. I know I should be greatful that its the way it is because so many other women have had it a lot worse and it could get even worse for me, but I just want to make sure one thing is better completely before something else goes wrong. I barely got my stitches out last week and then gestational diabetes rears its ugly head. Its not 100% certain yet, but it just adds to my frustration.

Sorry, I just needed to vent.

Random thought

I am making The Best Meat Loaf Ever for supper tonight. I just felt a little spit of energy and managed to complete the task of mixing it all together and putting it in the oven. I did have a little craving for it that motivated the energy. DH has been so good at cooking supper and lunch since I have been operated upon. I thought a little break would be good for him. We have eaten take out enough in the last week too though. This may be the be the beginning of me getting back into my role as housewife/supermom.

My little angel comes home in 2 days! Yay! I can't wait to see him and be exhausted by him again. I miss his little hugs and kisses and even the way his genius eyes roll when I annoy him.

Wish I was creative enough to think of a title

Anyway, I saw the endocrinologist yesterday. Another 2 grand out the window. I guess the only thing I got out of this appointment was the knowledge that I will have to do the radioactive iodine within 4 weeks of giving birth. And he put me back on the synthroid so hopefully I will start having some energy again.

Went to the ENT and she took my stitches out and gave me a gross picture of my thyroid that was taken during surgery. When she said it was 8cm, I really didnt think that sounded too big, but it looked like a good 6 inches of bright red steak...coming out of a slit in my throat. Graphic arent I?

Also saw the OB today and got my glucose test done. Now to wait for those results. I doubt anything else will go wrong, but I could be mistaken. My midwife is confident that she and the lactose consultant on their staff can help me thru my radioactive time and I will be able to breastfeed the new baby. Sure pumping and dumping for 2 weeks is not discouraging to anyone right? I dont want to go into my breastfeeding rant right now. I want to do it, so I am going to try and if I get pushed away in favor of a bottle, then so be it. It wont be my choice, it will be the baby's.

A little bit of Thankful Thursday for you: I am thankful that I got a nap today after my appointments. I needed some down time. I am also thankful the stitches are out and my incision doesnt itch so bad.

DH and I went to the local video store and opened an account. Just so we could rent some PS2 games cause we were bored. So I have been playing some Harry Potter just to get away from watching TV shows that upset me or bore me. I watched Dateline's Internet Pedophile Predators last night and was yelling at the idiots on TV. I have 3 little sisters and two of them are on the internet chatting a lot. They are 14 and 16 and I have warned them both of the dangers of too much information and how disgusting it is to have dirty conversations on the internet. Not only do you not know who you are talking to, but you dont need to hear half the crap that those dirtbags come up with. I tell them that if they ever chat with some dude who says he is 16 or whatever and that he is cute and wants to do stuff with them, just keep in mind that he could really be one of their friend's dirty grandpa or uncle. I proceed to paint a picture of the dirtiest, ugliest old guy imaginable and get them a nice mental image so that they remember it every time they open a chat window. I am told they only chat with their friends from school but I guess you never know.