Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I'm still here

I know it seems like I only blog about my kids, but thats what my life is all about right now. I love being a mommy. I never expected it to be so hard to have 2 kids. I always thought Aidan would be a sweet and wonderful big brother. He is sweet and wonderful, just not all the time. He has his tantrums and never listens to me. I am wrapped up with feeding Arik and Aidan is not getting all my attention now so he feels he has to act out and he disobeys the most when I am most indisposed. If he knows I am feeding Arik or on the phone, then its like his queue to be the worst kid on the planet. He screams or just loudly makes growling noises or yells and gets right up in Arik's face trying to scare him. Repeatedly asking him to stop or giving him time outs are not working. I need supernanny. I have mastered the art of one hand typing while breastfeeding and yelling at other kid all at the same time though.

Its like a miracle if I can get both kids and myself dressed and out of the house on any given day. Not to mention the fact that I have been without my thyroid hormones for a month now. I can hardly hold a conversation with anyone cause my brain is froggy and I just feel stupid when I cant finish a sentence.

I am having my radioactive iodine treatment starting on the 14th. Anthony will take the boys back to KS on the 17th and I will be here with my stepmom taking care of me until the 29th or so. Quarantine does not sound like a fun time. I am nervous and upset because I dont know what exactly is going to happen. Like I have no idea what the capsule is and what the process of the ablation includes. I am upset that I cannot get faster results from the hospital and the doctors. And I am most worried about my kids. I DO NOT want to be away from them for 2 weeks. How are they just gonna take a new baby away from his mommy? He needs me and I have endured the pain of natural childbirth and breastfeeding for the past 4 weeks, just for some endocrinologist to tell me that I have to do the RAI right away and that includes being no where near my baby for 2 weeks. It just hurts. I can only imagine how he will feel. I have saved up a ton of breastmilk for his time away and I am praying I can keep up my milk supply so that he can get more when I am cleared. I know that the RAI has to be done, but I am not ready to do it yet.

Well, off to the doctor office. I promise a post not about kids or thyroids soon.

2 comments from beautiful people!:

genderist said...

I can feel like I'm leaning towards hypothyroidism, and I'll go cold turkey off of it when I start the LID, Monday week. Oh, goodie... I'm already forgetting names and words during conversations. I'll be a basketcase in a couple of weeks!! :)

You're not alone in your search for words that you know are in your roladex!

genderist said...

Thinking of you!